Christmas, New Year and Me

Post by Bec one of 2day2gether’s LEW’s (Life Experience Warriors)

Christmas, New Year and Me.

Christmas is an enjoyable time for everyone and the New Year is a great time to restart and forget about events of the past year, right? Surely mental illnesses take a break from messing with us over the festive period? That sounds like one of those crap jokes you find in a cracker.

Usually the smell of food as it floods the house, the crackling of the roasties, crumbling of a mince pie into the foil, crinkling of chocolate wrappers and the fizz of champagne would fill people with joy, however, for me, it does the opposite. The guilt and fear after eating something or enjoying something is horrendous, and will result in me feeling suicidal and using behaviours more times than none. For 4/5 years, Christmas has been one of the most difficult times of the year for this reason, but I also struggle with my depression quite badly around this time.

Questions fill my head and circle around until I crack and breakdown….

Why would I deserve gifts?

Do my family really love me?

How am I going to cope with the food?

Are my family judging how much I’m eating?

Do they really want me spending Christmas with them?

This time I did something I’ve never been able to do before, I told my dad when I felt suicidal which meant he didn’t let me be on my own. Deep down I knew it was the right thing to do but still I felt like a burden. You see, people don’t necessarily understand the pain caused by mental illnesses, and we often feel alone or unworthy of help which means we don’t like to open up and show how we truly feel which makes it even more important that we do just that, expand the knowledge and awareness of mental ill health which leads me to 2day2gether and let me tell you, 2019 is going to be the year we make things happen and change the way people see mental illnesses. Jon aka exboozehound has made me one of the youngest LEW’s (Life Experience Warriors) for 2day2gether, which is something I’m super excited about.

Now the New Year and first couple of months aren’t my favourite time. Its daunting when you’re sat on your own on New Years Eve, listening to the fireworks, laughter and the ‘Happy New Year’s’ people shout at midnight, you get one friend phone you wishing you a happy new year while they’re out partying and having a good time, and your sat in bed, crying, cleaning up the wounds you’ve just inflicted on yourself, because you feel alone and worthless, you dread the new year because you fear it’s going to be just as bad or worse than the year you’ve just left. There are multiple trauma triggers and multiple cycles I generally struggle with hospital admissions, however I know that being a part of 2day2gether is going to have a positive impact on not only me, but those that are involved in 2day2gether and are supported by our team of LEW’s and if not anything else, that is something to look forward to.

Hi, exboozehound here…. What can I say?… Nothing really apart from WOW!!!! all of us LEW’s at 2day2gether are bang up for the challenges 2019 and beyond will bring and as Bec says….

“…. 2day2gether and let me tell you, 2019 is going to be the year we make things happen and change the way people see mental illnesses.”

“I know that being a part of 2day2gether is going to have a positive impact on not only me, but those that are involved in 2day2gether and are supported by our team of LEW’s and if not anything else, that is something to look forward to.”

I keep telling people to get involved with 2day2gether as soon as they can because by the end of the year 2day2gether will rule the world…. 😉

“enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

Keep going 😉